May 14, 2011!!!!

That's your due date... for now! We had a "best case scenario" doctor's appointment today! As soon as the nurse started the ultrasound she said "What a strong heartbeat!!" I was like "The baby's ok?! It has a heartbeat?!" The nurse responded that with a heartbeat of 171 beats per minute, she bets you're a girl. You know something crazy? Her daughter was born on May 14th! My guess is that you'll be early... just not too early please!!!

I'll be honest... it isn't possible for you to be 7 weeks and 3 days old like they told me. I know when you were created and you are 8 weeks 3 days old. They calculate due dates based on how big you are and my blood work but it's all within an average "range." Since we know I have small babies, it's definitely possible that you're just a bit small right now... but you'll catch up! According to your due date, you were created while mommy was in Myrtle Beach on her girls weekend. ha ha! WHICH we know isn't correct!

You're tiny. The size of a grain of rice. Just over 1 centimeter. I couldn't make out any features but you are a precious little blob. You wiggled around and I could see your heart pumping blood. If I can figure out how to use the scanner, I'll upload your ultrasound pictures. NOT that we can make any of it out... BUT it does seem very official. Your 1st picture!

Because I'm slightly high risk since your brother was born early and I've had cancer, the doctors are monitoring you closely! I get to have another ultrasound in 4 weeks to see you again! You'll have features and everything!!!! That will be super exciting!  AHHHH... I'm on cloud 9!

I think we may tell more people about you soon since I know you're doing well. You have been a pretty fun secret to keep but I've definitely spilled the beans a few times. Who wouldn't?! You're exciting news! Keep growing!!!

Ultrasound tomorrow

Is it Tuesday at 2:30 yet? I am so anxious about tomorrow that I think I've made myself queasy. I guess you never really know how much you love someone until you think about the possibility of losing them. I pray for you everyday and I'm just going to believe that you are fine, growing and healthy until I hear otherwise tomorrow at 2:30! Only 24 hours and 43 minutes to go!!!!!! (but who's counting!)

Blood Test Results

Today I got my finger pricked! OWIE! You're worth it, though! This blood test was different. All of the other test have been normal blood test where they take lots of blood and get the results back in a few hours. This time, they pricked my finger and squeezed the blood onto a piece of paper that is sent off and along with the ultrasound is used to determine how far a long you are. I was hoping to get the results back this afternoon but instead we won't know until Tuesday. Oh well! I'm becoming used to waiting!

In other exciting/not so exciting news.... today I feel nice and pukey! I'm hoping this is a good sign of you growing big and needed all of my nutrients! Take 'em baby! Get big, be healthy! .... even at the expense of my desire to hug every trash can I passed today at the mall!

The Beach and Blood Test

Your brother and I just got back from a wonderful 3 days in Charleston... one of mommy's FAVORITE places! We saw his God-parents, shopped and went to the beach! I'm still finding sand in your brother's creases! I look forward to the day we go again! Next time we see the beach, you'll probably be with us! How exciting!

Tomorrow morning at 9:15 I go for blood work. We're continuing to pray that you're growing properly which should be shown by the growth in my HcG hormone levels. Hopefully we'll have good news to share tomorrow afternoon or Friday! As long as the HcG hormone levels are doubling like they should, we'll have another ultrasound in attempts to see you on Tuesday! We can hardly wait!

Grow, baby. grow!

1st ultrasound

Today's doctor's appointment was a bit disheartening. We had our 1st ultrasound and were SOOO excited to see you! The only problem is.... you were too tiny to see! My HcG hormone levels had risen to a number where we thought you were far along enough to get a glimpse of... but all we saw was a little sac. The ultrasound tech said she was a bit concerned but the doctor said you were just gestationally (not a real word... I know) a lot younger than we thought! Honestly, as much as I'd like to say, "Oh no big deal, we'll see you in 2 weeks!" ... it worried me.

I did the math... it isn't possible for you to be ANY younger than 6 weeks and I really thought you were at least 8. Even at 6 weeks, we probably should have been able to see you! The doctor said you could be tucked to the side of the sac which supplies you with nutrients but I felt discouraged. Interesting factoid... you came from my right ovary... just in case you ever wanted to know. Apparently my left one is 1/4 the size of my right one and is C-R-A-P-P-Y. Hey, who needs 2 anyways.

I'm not much of a worrier. It's pretty pointless and the rational side of me knows this. BUT for some reason, I worry about you. I worry I'm going to loose you and I was really looking forward to this ultrasound so I could SEE you were growing and that you were there and ok. Unfortunately, this appointment was really more unsettling. I'm just going to have to pray my way through it and trust God in His plan for both of our lives. It's a lot harder than it sounds though! Parker and I are heading to Charleston this coming Monday through Wednesday to play with his god parents. This will be a much welcomed distraction!

I go back to the doctor next Thursday for more blood work to check my HcG levels again. HOPEFULLY they will have skyrocketed! They're supposed to double every 48-72 hours. As of right now, my HcG levels measure at 7 weeks. The doctor was kind enough to schedule another ultrasound (since this one was SUCH a tease!) for Tuesday, September 28th. Once again, we had to work around daddy's work schedule. I'll be super whiny that Monday because I'll be dying to see you but that silly work schedule keeps getting in the way of those early week visits! Tuesday will come soon enough, though.

Until then, as my grandparent's garden sign says..... Grow Damnit!

You're growing at a rapid rate!

This morning I went to the doctor so they could take more blood to determine if you're big enough yet for an ultrasound. Good news! You're growing at MORE than double everyday! Doubling at this point is normal but you're growing even faster than that! YIPPEE! Way to go! Guess what that means? I can see you now!!!! Daddy's silly work schedule got in the way of me seeing you Monday so our appointment is Wednesday at 11:30! I can't wait to see you! I bet you're a beautiful/handsome little blob! I love you! :)

You're not such a secret anymore!

You're not a secret anymore! :) We haven't told EVERYONE but we've told some of our closest friends, my parents and Aunt Kelly. Daddy actually hinted about you on the boat with nana, poppi and Aunt Kelly on Labor Day so we spilled the beans. It's hard to keep such an exciting secret! I've also called Erin Reid and Cassandra Mikell, two of my best friends. I've actually called a few other people but they haven't called me back yet :) I'm DYING to tell Holly about you. She'll be so excited! She'll also be jealous that Jamie knew about you before she did! She is on vacation right now in Jersey but she'll know about you first thing when she and Brooklyn get home! I look forward to the day when I can tell EVERYONE our good news!

Tomorrow we go to the doctor for another blood test. I hope my HG hormone levels are high enough to have an ultrasound soon. I'm dying to see you and hear your heart beat! It was such a special day when daddy and I heard and saw your brother, even if he did look like a blob of cells. We look forward to that special day with you! Everyday that passes is a day closer! You're growing at such a fast pace (according to the baby book) that it should be no time before we get to hear your heart beat (which should have started beating last week or this week). I hope it's strong! I feel like it is.

I'm feeling better. Not quite as queasy anymore and the cramping is close to gone. This is a happy/sad. The cramps made me think of you often. They made you feel more real! On the other hand, I feel better and have my motivation back. I wasn't getting anything done around the house there for a week or so because I napped during all of your brother's naps instead of cleaning. Those 2 hours are valuable!

Love you, sweet pea! Keep growin'!

Meet your Big Brother!

Parker Alexander Wise is your BIG BROTHER! He should be about 25 months old when you're born if you're full term (which you WILL be, right!?!). His due date was May 5th 2009 (I'm guessing yours is May 7th 2011) but he came a little too early on March 21, 2009. I developed pre eclampsia (high blood pressure) and he was born via c-section between 6 and 8 weeks early depending on who you ask. He was so tiny at just 3 pounds 10 ounces. You're going to be 7 pounds, right? I'd like that. He was a fighter, though, and came home from the NICU after just 4 weeks! He changed our lives forever, just like you will!

I think Parker will be a good big brother after he gets over the initial jealousy. We visited Grady, a new baby born in the neighborhood, last week and Parker had to sit in my lap while I held the newborn. Parker is very good about sharing his toys and snacks. Lets just hope he doesn't try to share his goldfish too early! He loved riding in the Baby Bjorn. I hope you will too! It made it so easy for me to get stuff done around the house! I think it will also save you from flying balls!

I've already started researching double strollers to meet both of your needs! Right now I think I have it narrowed down to the BOB Revolution Dualie, City Mini Double, Bumbleride Indie Twin and the City Select. I know it's early but researching baby stuff makes you feel more real. It's important to me to get a stroller that you and your brother will both love. You'll be spending a lot of time in it! We're walkers! Your brother loves to take walks to the park and you'll be tagging along until you can play too!

I pray you and your bother get along. That you love one another, share and don't test my refereeing skills too frequently. I really want you guys to be close. That's the main reason your dad and I decided to separate you guys by 2 years. I pray you are close as adults. I see a lot of adults who don't speak to their siblings. Please don't be that way. My sister (your aunt Kelly) and I are so close and I couldn't imagine not having that relationship.

You are already SO loved, my little sesame seed!

There is a YOU in There!

I love you. Yes, there is a you. A precious, tiny, sesame side size you. We've been praying for you for a while. You and your big brother, Parker, have been the desire of my heart ever since I can remember. Your daddy and I are so thrilled to be parents again! Did you know that you're already a huge miracle? I was once told I probably wouldn't have children and guess what?! Now we have you and your big brother! God is pretty cool like that. I'll make sure you know all about Him :) You're already a bit of a troublemaker! You gave me a big scare on Friday, September 3rd, the same day we found out about you!

Here's your story:
You were fearfully and wonderfully made in August of 2010. Your due date should be right around the time your big brother was also supposed to be born! I bet within days (let's just hope you don't make such an early appearance!). I took a pregnancy test and it came up negative. I was sad but knew God would give us a baby in His time. A week later, I took another one and saw a tiny, faint blue line. I bought a cheap test so I figured it was negative. Little did I know, you were trying to tell me that you were in there! So once again, about a week later (September 3rd), I took another test and once again saw a faint blue line (you would think I would learn to just buy the nice test by now!) and you know what, I knew..... I knew I was pregnant. You were doing a good job trying to tell me! I'm sleepy, a little crampy, slightly quick to irritate and MAN do I NEED cold fruit! You name it: fruit smoothies, frozen fruit bars, watermelon, I even froze go-gurt. I was desperate. Parker and I dropped by the grocery store on the way to the mall and picked up a nice digital test. When I finally needed to "go" we went to the mall potty and found out for sure, there was a YOU!

I shed a few tears, pulled myself together and went shopping! We needed to find out a way to tell daddy! I tried to find Parker a "big brother" shirt but your daddy isn't that observant so I don't think he would have noticed. Instead, I bought a baby outfit.... a baby girl outfit.... sorry if you're a boy... I've just been dying to buy a baby girl outfit!!! Parker and I wrapped it up with the test and brought it home to daddy. I have it on video. He was sweaty from working out but I promise he's excited about you too!

Next, we called the OBGYN. I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of them in the coming months. We got an appointment right away! Here's where you scared me! I took a test for the nurse and it came up NEGATIVE! I almost cried but I persuaded her to do another one! I just knew you were in there! Sure enough, the 2nd time, there was a faint line. The doctor also checked and they took blood to confirm. We pray that you're developing properly. I would be devastated to loose you! We have a special bond, though, and I think you're in there for the long haul (all 40 weeks PLEASE!).

We will continue to pray for your development and strength. That your heart forms and begins to beat in rhythm. The doctor should call me on Tuesday to confirm my blood counts. Hopefully then we'll be able to determine when we can do an ultrasound to see you! (or you all... hey at this point, we can't rule that out!).

Your dad and I are so excited about you that we've already done some research on double strollers, discussed which room will be yours and even thrown around names (don't worry, baby, I won't let him name you Alice). If you're a girl (which I really have a feeling you may be) we have your beautiful, strong name picked out. If you're a boy (which we would be equally thrilled to have a household of rough and tumble boys!), then you're still nameless but we've got time! :) The Chinese calendar says you're a girl and my gut is confirming that. First, I found out about you in the mall (come on... that's a sign right!?!); 2nd, I feel different than I felt with Parker; 3rd, when I got in the car after the mall, a song was on the radio about the relationship between a mother and daughter; 4th, a girl name came to us in minutes that we agreed on (we were still debating girl names in the car on the way to your brother's ultrasound... your dad and I have VERY different preferences in names!); 5th, when we looked up said name, the meaning confirmed that was just meant to be: 6th, the Chinese calendar is 50% right so I'll take those odds! ha ha If you're a boy, let me tell you... you've got a handsome little wardrobe! AND you and your brother will be almost exactly 2 years apart! How fun will that be?! We already own about 200 balls so you should be pretty set in that department. Either way, just know you are wanted, prayed for and loved.

I pray you grow to know and love the Lord. I pray we are a close knit family. I pray you and your brother are best friends, that you love and respect one another. I pray for your health, your spouse, your heart and your spirit. I pray you grow to be wise and discerning, kind and thoughtful, peaceful and joyful. I know for you to be those qualities, your dad and I have to exude them. We don't a lot of the time. We'll make mistakes and we'll ask for forgiveness but know that we will try to be examples and I promise we'll do our best even though we won't always succeed. You are loved and will continue to be forever.

Love,
Mom